I was reading Parents magazine yesterday and came across an article called, "What your doctor, babysitter, preschool teacher (and all the other pros in your life) really want you to know *but wouldn't dare tell you to your face". The article was pretty typical parenting magazine stuff until I got to the part by the preschool teacher, here it is:
Okay, tell us the thing you'd never say to our face.
If a parent doesn't follow my directions, I'll assume her child won't either. I give parents specific instructions - fill out these forms by this date, email instead of calling, don't put candy in your kids lunch. As soon as you break my rules, that creates an immediate bias against your child. And most teachers feel the same way.
Ouch. What else?
The six most lethal words to a teacher at the end of class: "Hi! Do you have a minute?" We hate that. Make an appointment. Likewise, don't pretend you're in my classroom to volunteer and then try to use that time to chat about your child's progress.
What's the biggest secret among teachers?
Just as you have a preferred teacher you want for your kid next year, we have preferred students we want for our classrooms. How to become a preferred family? Start each school year by sending your teacher this e-mail: "Please provide me with a wish list of ten things you would like for your classroom." She'll ask for things like Post-it notes, a chess set, a 50-cent deck of cards. When you spend maybe $20 on these items, it goes through the grapevine that you are here not just for your kid but for the entire class - that this is a family that cares about the community, whose child is probably a team player to.
I don't even know where to start with this complete piece of garbage. I don't know who this preschool teacher is, but she deserves to lose her job for these comments. Saying that you will punish my child because I forget to fill something out or god-forbid try to talk to you instead of e-mailing you is inexcusable. Your job is maintan an open communication with parents and if you have a problem with them you better darn well say it to them and keep the children out of your petty issues. As for asking if your childs preschool teacher has a minute to talk to you at the end of the day...does she think that the parent is not also tired, that they haven't work all day, that they also want to get home? If they have something to say that is important enough to delay getting home and starting dinner, baths, etc then you had better push your big self out of the way and listen to what this parent has to say. The last part really pushed me over the edge...for a couple of reasons. First of all, I will never, I repeat never, buy affection or "preferred" status for my child. I would expect that I am sending my child to a preschool where the teachers like what they do and that is why they are there, that is why they treat the children well, why they give them affection when they need it and in turn discipline them when they need it. Second, preschool's are a private business, at least here in Truckee I pay A LOT of money to send my kids to preschool. If you are in need of Post-it notes or a deck of cards, I suggest you buy it yourself. Don't ask me to provide you with tuition and then supplies on top of it, you have some nerve.
There I feel better, I think I am going to write a letter to Parents magazine about this...
Thursday, July 17, 2008
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17 comments:
I HEAR you on this one!
Each year my kids' school has the teachers post a tree with apples on it and each apple represents a need for the classroom. Then a big newsletter for the classroom goes out thanking the parents that contributed...and I guess trying to shame the parents that don't care enough to buy?
Slightly different situation that my kids are in private school and frankly, we bend over backwards to make the tuition as it is. Seriously, do those thousands of dollars not purchase a FREAKING post-it pack?
A teacher is sort of like a doctor, in that you don't get set times and schedules...if a child/parent has an issue, it IS your job to try to accommodate the time lines of both parties.
This is an awful article and you are RIGHT to call them out on it.
Wow, very interesting reading. It is enlightening but I hope that this is not the way all preschool teachers feel!
Great post, and I'm glad you brought this to our attention. I don't mean to step on anyone's toes, but I do want to point out that just about anyone can be hired as a preschool "teacher." I know that there are exceptions, and that some schools are excellent and hire only people certified in early education. I also give preschool teachers my utmost respect, as most of them are in difficult and thankless positions, providing nurturing and loving care for our precious children.
That said, there are some? many? preschool "teachers" who are not professionally trained or educated. I suspect we all have a horror story or two about a young girl or an unhappy, financially-strapped mom hired by a preschool to "teach." There is something to be said for the study of developmental psychology, practical internships in a working classroom, and the resources and contacts made through professional development.
I hope that people do not stereotype all teachers from the misguided babblings of some woman who calls herself a teacher but doesn't know the first thing about how to approach her students or their parents.
That preschool teacher's comments are harsh, but try to put yourself in a teacher's shoes. A lot of parents really do trample on the good graces of a teacher, especially one who is generous with his or her time. We tend to take teachers, as well as other caregivers in our child's world, for granted. What about the parents who just want to drop their kids off and let the teacher do ALL the work -- from discipling to wiping their child's dirty nose? Those parents are out there, and while I am sure most people on this blog site are not that way, they do exist and they can make life difficult at best for the people we entrust with our children. The parents out there who do all the things that teacher is asking for (or even just a few of them) are probably making life a little easier for the rest of us in that they are making up for the awful ones.
All that said...I really do hate to think that if I don't do just the right thing with a touchy teacher, it will be held against my child. Ugh! Thanks for posting this.
Wow, hopefully they will hear back from teachers who disagree with what this person said. Surely these kinds of attitudes are not common among teachers? I'd hate to think so.
i do agree that it is always nice to contribute something to a classroom just as a "classroom mom" would -- but to do it to gain preferred status for your child? is she insane? we too are paying an insane amount of tuition already!
so let me get this straight -- not showing enough concern can land you on the poopy list with a teacher, but showing TOO MUCH concern by asking a teacher if they have a minute after class will also land you on the poopy list. which way is it? because they cant have both.
thanks for posting this. with my kid starting school next month, i apparently have a lot to think about now!
That's just unbelievable! Ugh...this is why I homeschool at least I know my kids get treated fairly.
I agree, that last bit is the most outrageous! Preschools are expensive! Insinuating any parent should spend an extra twenty bucks to "buy" status for their kid is ridiculous. There are other, FREE ways to show you care about the community.
As a former preschool teacher (with a college degree...lol) none of my schools ever expected that parents provide materials except for their child's school supplies. Sometimes parents would ask if there was anything we needed which was always appreciated but NEVER expected. There's a misconception that private school teachers get paid well. UGH! All of the private/ church schools I worked at had financial problems and we did not make a huge salary by any means. Teachers end up buying most of the stuff they need for their classrooms with their own money without the expectation of getting paid back!
I always appreciated parents who devoted their time as well. Helping out with field trips, parties, etc. To me that was more valuable than a brand spanking new toy.
Just my input.
I don't know who that lady is, but it's a good thing they didn't post her name or her picture in that article. (I just read it on the website.) She most certainly would lose her job.
As an elementary school teacher, I am just floored by the things she said. I can't even imagine having bias against a child because his/her parent called me instead of emailed or didn't get a form back on time. And teachers don't hate when a parent asks if you have a minute. It shows the parent is concerned about their child. And if for some reason, the teacher doesn't have "a minute" right then, she/he can politely say, "I'm sorry, but can I call you later on this evening?"
And the thought of having preferred students and creating a "preferred family"...what???? Granting a wish list tells the teacher your family cares about the community and that your child is a team player??? The child is in preschool for heaven's sakes!!! They are there to LEARN to be a team player!
Whew! This has gotten me fired up too...obviously. Good for you for posting about this and writing to Parents. I'll be writing a letter too. This lady must be burned-out or something...she needs a new line of work.
P.S. Sorry to ramble on my first visit to your blog! I'm not usually so long-winded... haha!
Love your header and your playlist!
Does anyone really think that this magazine article is trying to represent preschool teachers generally, realistically, and accurately? Magazines are not in the business of making people feel warm and fuzzy, they are in the business of selling issues. Sensational sells. As a newsroom friend of mine says, "If it bleeds it leads.
And look at us, a bunch of emotional moms acting as if Parents magazine has any relevance in our lives. Furthermore, they have hit the bullseye with their target market here as we all sit around discussing the article. They've created a buzz. By discussing it we have made the article a success. If this article truly offends you the best thing to do is stop posting and publicizing it and let it fizzle away into oblivion.
As a teacher... I am offended by this article! As for the first part about a parent not following directions. That is crazy parents are human and very busy. If they are notorious for not even opening their 6 year olds book bag, I would tell them the importance but NEVER hold it against the child.
And as for becoming a well liked family. I would never expect parents to purchase extra things for my classroom. If they giver extra that is a bonus, but not everyone can do that! That article is very offensive from the teachers prospective as well!
Shanna
Hopefully, the reason they never would say this to your face is because it really should never be said.
I hope that most teachers out there don't feel this way, but it is sad to think that there is obviously one (at least) that does.
THIS is the reason I stopped reading parenting magazines long ago. The "information" and "advice" is ludicrous and in some cases (hello, THIS one?) very offensive.
I'm so glad we have fabulous private school where we live...and that I have a few years before I even have to worry about school.
I'm saddened by the comments made in the magazine. Some kids don't have money, but they shouldn't be treated any diferently. Not to mention as a teacher you should be professional, unbiased, and treat your students equally - I would think that as a GOOD teacher you would strive to do this. That's sad.
Hey Delane -
Were all of these comments by the same pre-school teacher? Yeah, I think she needs a new line of work. I know I only have 1 child, but I have never been treated to any of these comments or attitudes from any of her teachers. I could maybe understand if each comment was from a different person, like their one most aggravating problem at work, or something. The basic supplies list floors me. Danielle's teacher asked for donations of learning games for "Friday Fun Day" but it was in no way required, and could have come out of the closet for all he cared. This lady has issues, promoting cliques in pre-school from parent status. Scary Thought!
It's amazing to see what some people think and haven't said out loud. The fact of the matter is that some people do feel this way. However, I believe, or want to believe, that the majority don't feel this way.
However, let's take into consideration that some parents want preferential treatment for their child. Now, as a parent I have come across this more. Many parents at the school where my child attends go out of their way to impress the teachers to ensure a special place for their child.
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